Realize
by cookies.n.cr3amx
Summary: After Revelation. What if Reed got shot, and Josh couldn't be with her anymore. Spoilers from Revelation.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Revelation. Or Private. Or any other Private Series book.

_**Reed's Point of View**_

"Reed! Oh my god! NO!" I heard Josh call out. I turned my head and saw him running towards me. He had shoved Gage aside, hoping to get to me before Sabine's bullet did, but I already knew what would happen. He would be too late. A smile slowly reached my face, knowing that I would die in order to save the only person that I had ever truly loved. Josh. Even though he would never know this, I really did love him. And whenever I saw him with Ivy, my heart would break into a thousand pieces all over again.

A look of pain and confusion etched on his face. I was glad that the last thing I would see before I died would be Josh's innocent, beautiful, caring face. Then a shot rang out and everything went black.

_**Josh's POV**_

"Reed! Oh my god! NO!" I felt my heart pound faster than ever when I saw that Sabine had turned her gun onto Reed. I wove my way in and out of the crowd as fast as I could. But it wasn't fast enough. My eyes never left Reed's face; I shoved Gage aside and pushed my way to Reed. But when Reed saw me, her mouth turned up into a sad, knowing smile. It almost seemed like she knew what was going to happen.

I truly wished that this wasn't how it would all end. Sabine. Ariana's sister. Ariana's psycho sister. She was going to end this all. I was so close. Sabine would not end this for me. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not ever. But then a gunshot echoed throughout the room and Reed collapse onto the floor, surrounded by a pool of her blood. Right by my feet was Reed's pale, still body, blood pouring out from the bullet that had gone into her chest. Right then, the screaming started.

But I couldn't make a sound; I just sank to the ground, just staring at Reed. No. Not her. This wasn't fair. I finally figured out that I still loved her when I saw her standing there. She couldn't die. She couldn't leave me. I grasped Reed's hands and pulled her unmoving body towards me, not caring if my suit got stained. It didn't matter. Only Reed did.

Then I remembered. Sabine. That cold, manipulative psycho. She ruined the best thing in my life. Reed. I looked up and saw Sabine, struggling to get out of Gage and Trey's hands. I wanted so badly to kill Sabine, but I didn't have the heart to leave Reed by herself. I cradled Reed tightly against my body, trying to keep her warm and bring her back to consciousness. Looking down at Reed, I wanted to promise that I would never leave, but I couldn't.

Suddenly, flashes of blue and red were visible as well as the piercing sound of sirens. Groups of people in uniforms barged into the hall. The first group went towards Sabine, Gage, and Trey. I looked up in time to see Sabine's tear streaked-face twisted in anger as the officers pulled her wrists back and finally restrained her with hand cuffs. Watching Sabine get cuffed and shoved into the police cruiser gave me a surprising feeling of satisfaction. But that feeling suddenly went away when I felt someone trying to loosen my grip on Reed's body. This just made me tighten my hands around her even more.

A paramedic quickly huffed in agitation because I was unwilling to let go. I wanted to yell at him. He wouldn't want to let go of the person he loved most if they were shot! Why should I? But suddenly, my arms felt empty. The doctors had freed Reed from my arms and had quickly started to load her onto a stretcher.

"No!" I called out to them as I watched Reed being hooked up to a number of needles, wires, and machines. "Let me go in the ambulance with her. Please. I have to!" I began to plead. They had to let me come. I would die if they didn't. I had to be with Reed. I just had to.

The people gave each other a look before a young, blond doctor who seemed to have authority over everyone else nodded. Carlisle Cullen, his nametag read.

"Thank you Dr. Cullen!" I quickly rattled before I ran into the ambulance just as Reed was getting pushed into the back with two other doctors. Seeing Reed laying there made me feel hopeless. I couldn't do anything to help her right now. I couldn't save her. I wasn't a doctor. I just kneeled down near her head, held her hand tightly, and prayed to God that she would be okay.

I watched as a blur of people climbed into the ambulance and pulled Reed out. They took her off of the stretcher and moved her to a different one. They took her away from me to the emergency section. I wanted so badly to follow them. To see what they were doing to Reed. My Reed. I needed to see her.

This is my first FanFiction. Tell me if you guys like it and if I should keep going. :D Reviews please!


	2. Poll Notice!

Sorry. But this isn't a new chapter.

I put up a poll, because some people wanted to see the Cullens in the story and others didn't. So I'm putting it up to a vote.

The voting is going to end by this Friday so, vote please. So I know what to do with the story!

I'll try to post the next chapter as soon as possible, but I have school, so the next one will probably be Friday, or if I can find some time since midterms are coming up…

Thank You to all that have read my first chapter! And I'm glad that everyone likes it so far! 


	3. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Reed or Josh or The Private Series….

Author's Note: So, I decided that I'm not going to merge Twilight and Private together because that would be... just not right. But I am going to try and add bits and pieces of Twilight to my story.

Sorry it took a few days to update, my computer crashed so I've been doing it at the library, and midterms are in a couple of weeks so I've been studying like hell. Hope you guys like it.

_**Josh's Point of View**_

Time seemed to pass as slow as possible as I sat here, waiting. Sitting in the hospital in an uncomfortable, plastic chair only made my aggravation grow as I waited for the doctors to come out and tell me, Noelle, Constance, all of us, what would happen to Reed.

I suddenly heard the swish of the doors open and the sound of a person's footsteps rang out in my ears.

"Which one of you is here for… Ms. Reed Brennan?" the doctor asked in a deep, calm voice. He looked up from his clipboard and seemed surprised to see all of the students that were here for Reed. He quickly took in the number and regained his composure. He looked down at his board again before speaking.

"Ms. Brennan is doing well although she is in a coma. We have her in Intensive care, but we have high hopes that she will come out of it on her own and regain consciousness." Everyone was glad to hear that Reed wasn't going to die, but she was extremely close to it. A coma. Those dreaded words. Reed might never become conscious. I might never be able to see her smiling and laughing like all of those times when we'd walk together to our classes.

I found my voice and finally asked the man the one question that had been in my head ever since they rolled her in the emergency center.

"Can I go and see her?" I looked up to see the doctor nodding slowly.

"But only one at a time." Everyone looked at each. Slowly, they all turned their gazes towards me. All of them nodded at me, telling me that I should go and see her first.

I got up slowly from the hospital chair and made my way down the hallway toward Reed's room. My hand reached out for the cold, metal handle and turned it as leisurely as possible so that I wouldn't make one sound. I slipped in through the little crack and made my way into the room. I closed the heavy, wooden door quietly behind me and looked at the bed to see Reed.

My Reed. Hooked up to all of those machines and needles. And I couldn't do anything about it. I stood frozen, my back leaning against the door, as I stared at Reed. Her face was so pale. I finally got back the movement in my legs and walked over to her bed and sat down in the chair next to her head and reached for her right hand. As I gripped Reed's hand in mine, I remembered all of the times we had shared together. All of them. From Thomas's death to the Legacy.

I just couldn't look at Reed anymore. My heart broke, looking at the needles and tubes. I looked over at the side of her desk and saw a book as well as Reed's purse on the table. New Moon. That's a weird name for a book. On the cover was a picture of a flower, its petals were falling down. Weird cover too. I picked up the thick book and began reading where the page where the book was open. **Page 68**.

"_Bella, we're leaving."_

_I took a deep breath, too. This was an acceptable option. IO thought I was prepared. But I still had to ask._

_"Why now? Another year-"_

_"Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless."_

_His answer confused me. I thought the point of leaving was to let his family live in peace. Why did we have to leave if they were going? I stared at him, trying to understand what he meant._

_He stared back coldly._

_With a roll of nausea, I realized I'd misunderstood._

_"When you say **we**-" I whispered._

_"I mean my family and myself." Each word separate and distinct._

_I shook my head back and forth mechanically, trying to clear it. He waited without any sign of impatience. It took a few mintues before I could speak._

_"Okay," I said. "I'll come with you."_

_"You can't, Bella. Where we're going... It's not the right place for you."_

_"Where you are is the right place for me."_

_"I'm no good for you, Bella."_

_"Don't be ridiculous." I wanted to sound angry, but it just sounded like I was begging. "You're thevery best part of my life."_

_"My world is just not for you," he said grimly/_

_"What happened with Jasper- that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"_

_"You're right," he agreed. "It was exactly what was to be expected."_

_"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay-"_

_"As long as that was best for you," he interrupted to correct me._

_"**NO!** This is about my soul, isn't it?" I shouted, furious, the words exploding out of me- somehow it still sounded like a plea. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you- it's yours already!"_

_He took a deep breath and stared, unseeingly, at the ground for a long moment. His mouth twisted the tiniest bit. When he finally looked up, his eyes were different, harder- like the liquid gold have frozen solid._

_"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." He spoke the words slowly and precisely, his cold eyes on my face, watching as I absorbed what he was really saying._

_There was a pause before I repeated the words in my head a few times, sifting through them for their real intent._

_"you... don't... want me?" I tried out the words, confused by the way they sounded, placed in that order._

_"No."_

My eyes skipped further down the page, tears threatening to leak out of my eyes, realizing what I had to do for Reed.

_"Don't." My voice was just a whisper now; awareness was beginning to seep through me, trickling like acid through my veins. "Don't do this."_

_He just stared at me, and I could see from his eyes that my words were far too late. He already had._

_"You're not good for me, Bella."_

As I read those six words that left Edward's mouth, I knew I was doing the right thing for Reed. I had to.

How could I have not realized how much I needed Reed. How much I loved her. Reed was the single best thing that ever happened to me. I loved Reed with all my heart. But I couldn't say the same about her feelings towards me. It finally dawned on me what I had to do. I couldn't protect Reed. Just look at what happened to her even when I was near her. She almost died.

I have to leave. I couldn't do this to her anymore.

_**Reed's Point of View**_

My eyes fluttered open to a bright light. So this must be Heaven, a little too bright for me. And a little too noisy I thought as I heard all this beeping and hushed murmuring going on around me. My eyes opened fully and I took in the sight before me. Balloons, dolls, cards, candy. That was all surrounding my bed. I reached up to try and rub my eyes when I suddenly heard a voice.

"Oh my god! Reed! You're awake! Thank god!" I heard the voice of my best friend, Noelle Lange. My vision became focused and I saw a crowd of people around my bed. My head pounded and my chest ached every time I took a breath.

"Where am I? What is everyone doing here?" I asked in a confused voice. I deserved to know.

"You're in the hospital dear," a soothing voice told me. I turned my head and saw an elderly nurse adjusting my pillow and checking my monitors. I registered this and all the memories of Kiran's pre-party bash came to mind.

Sabine.

"Where is she? Where is Sabine?" I angrily exclaimed, glaring at Noelle, knowing that she would know. But then another person came to mind. Josh.

"Josh!" My eyes quickly scanned the room. Noelle. Constance. My mom. Scott. Hershey. My dad. Dash. Trey. Gage. Ivy. Astrid. Marc. Kiran. Taylor. Everyone except for the person that matter most. "Where is he?" I demanded.

Noelle looked down at her feet and reached into her purse for something. A piece of folded up paper.

"Josh said to give this to you when you woke up." Noelle mumbled. "He also told us to leave you alone while you read it."

"He was here? Where is he now? Did he leave? Did he go home?"

"We don't know honey. The last time any of us saw him was the first day you were brought to the hospital. As soon as the doctor said that you could have visitors, Josh literally ran into your room. But about three and a half hours later, he left. His face looked so sad I thought he was going to pass out or die." Noelle quickly told me, filling me in.

So he had been here. But what about now? Why wasn't he here now. I clutched the piece of paper to my chest holding onto it tightly for dear life. I looked around the room, trying to avoid Noelle's eye, full of pity. She knew something that I didn't. As my eyes scanned the room, something caught my eye.

New Moon was on the floor, open. What was that doing there?

"Noelle, could you pick that up for me?" I asked her in a pleading tone, though I didn't need to. Everyone in this room would do whatever I asked right now.

Noelle bent down, grabbed New Moon and handed it to me. It was open to where Edward was leaving Bella. Why was it on the floor? Open to that page? Oh well. Then I realized that everyone was still in my room, analyzing my every move. I looked up, a little agitated. MY face must have looked a bit annoyed and frustrated because everyone started to shuffle their feet and look at the ground.

"So are you going to read it now? We can all leave." Someone asked, though I wasn't sure who.

"No. It's fine. I'll read it later when Josh comes back," my voice sounded hopeful. Waiting to finally see Josh again.

"I'm not sure if Josh is going to come back here Reed. I really think that you should read it," Noelle said in a sad almost knowing tone.

"Fine. I'll read it when I can actually walk and move around by myself." I said defiantly, sure that Josh would be here the next day. I listened to the shuffles and footsteps of everyone leaving my room. _Oh Josh, you have to come back!_

Hope you guys liked it. Reviews please!


	4. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own The Private Series… I wish.

I had been in the hospital for nearly a month. Today they were letting me go. They were letting me go back home. I felt so happy. I finally got to leave this horrible depressing place. Ironic, that a place where a person is supposed to feel the safest and best cared for should be so gloomy and sad. But one thing clouded my happiness.

Josh.

He hadn't come to visit me. Never. Not once. Not even while I was asleep. I tried calling his phone, his house, an e-mail. I even sent a letter. But he wouldn't respond. Not to me. Not to anyone. He had been missing for almost a month.

Then I remembered the letter. The folded piece of paper tat Noelle had given me as soon as I asked for Josh. I reached into the back pocket my Chloé bag and searched for the letter. As my fingers came into contact with the battered and stained piece of paper, they tightened around it, as if hoping that Josh would come back.

I pulled the paper out of the bag slowly, half worrying that it would suddenly disappear. When my hand left my bag, I stood up and went over to the corner farthest away from the door. I unfolded it and smoothed it against my chest. I looked at it for a moment and saw his neat, slanted handwriting. Then I began reading.

_Dear Reed,_

_By the time you see this letter, I will already be gone. Leaving you was the best option for the both of us. I won't hurt you anymore by being near you._

_Seeing you on the floor, close to death, I realized two things. You shouldn't be with me. You should be with someone worthy of your love. Someone who can protect you. Support you. Help you. And I can't do that. I'm constantly hurting you. I can't bear to see you like this anymore. _

_I also finally realized something that my heart was trying to tell me ever since I saw you that day with Thomas. I love you. I love the way you laugh. The way your smile would brighten up an entire room. The way you talk. The way you always stood by my side even when everyone else thought I was a murderer. The way you seemed to know what was right. Even the way that you stood up for something you believed in no matter what anyone else told you. _

_Reed. I love everything about you. Your voice. Your smile. Your laugh. Your hair. The way you walk. The way you talk. Even the way you cry._

_You were always by my side. You held me together. Through Thomas's death. Cheyenne. Even when everybody else was accusing me of murder. You understood me and forgave me no matter what I did or what happened. You accepted and forgave me for what happened between me and Cheyenne. Even with Ivy. You even became friends with the two of them. _

_This is why I have to leave Reed. I can't do any of those things for you. I tried to. I honestly tried to, but I just can't. I can't be with you, knowing that there is someone out there who is better for you than me. I have to go. I can't live by your side knowing that._

_Reed. I promise that this letter will be the last time you hear from me. I love you. God, how I love you Reed. Don't lose your trust in love, because for you, it's somewhere out there. Goodbye._

_Love,_

_Josh._

As soon as the words that were written down by him on the paper registered in my head, my body began to tremble.

He wasn't coming back. He left before I could say goodbye. Why? Why now? He couldn't have left me. Not again!

I felt as if I would die.

My back fell against the wall and I slid to the ground, tears streaming down my face at an alarming pace. When my body reached the ground, I pulled my knees towards my chest and hugged them, trying to hold myself together. My head fell to my knees and I tucked my arms underneath my chin as I began sobbing uncontrollably. My shoulders shook and an undecipherable sound left my mouth in anger and agony.

The door suddenly slammed open and Noelle barged in. Her eyes swept around the room, trying to figure out where the sound was coming from and then her gaze landed on me. Hearing Noelle walk towards me, my hand gripped the letter tighter and crumpled it into a ball into the palm of my hand. I tried to shove it in my pocket, trying to hide it from Noelle, but as always, she noticed.

As she made her way to me, I began trembling more and more spasmodically. I felt a hand rubbing circles into the small of my back and another hand prying Josh's last letter out of my grip. I looked up and I saw Noelle's eyes move from side to side as she read the note. What happened to her face was indescribable. Her face, which was always so composed and indifferent, suddenly displayed a number of different emotions at once. Sadness. Anger. Pain. Pity. And then she finally decided on empathy.

The last thing I remembered before the darkness took me away were Noelle's calming gestures and her soothing words, "It's okay Reed. You still have me. Nothing will break us apart ever again."

Don't hate Josh. It's not his fault! Reviews would be nice! 


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